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What's up:

Still trying to get Olive to sleep better. Still not getting enough sleep myself. Still struggling with anxiety and self doubt. Nothing new in this department.

People giving advice. Well meaning people with well meaning advice. All of which directly contradicts the advice of another person. Or that expert book. I say, kaka. So Douglas and I decided last night, as I tearfully laid in bed exhausted yet unable to sleep, that he is going to be the logic around all sleep decisions these days. I'm not going to read anything more about it - he will do the reading, and he will be in charge of reality checks. I just have to keep my head down and keep trying to get Olive and I some sleep in the happiest way possible for everyone.

Revelations about childcare. I'm not into daycare for babies. I am not into daycare period. But I have to work half-time if we're going to eat, so Olive needs some care. Luckily that care will be in the form of my best friend and her little daughter Etta Mae, so Olive will spend her time with someone who loves her and with a companion. I will take Etta on my days off, Jana will take Olive on her days off. We need extra high chairs, car seats, a double stroller, yada yada. Oh yeah, and, it's going to be REALLY HARD. I watched Etta on Friday and got a bit more of a reality check than I had in the past because, guess what? Etta runs. Runs away. Runs around. Sticks her fingers in things. Our house? Not baby proof. Yikes. So, anxiety has now set in about caring for two very loving, very sweet, very precocious babes who DON'T SLEEP easily on very little sleep myself. Oh, sweet baby Jesus, sweet mama earth, please, please help me through this.

On the up side I'm busily knitting away on my cashmere sweater. I bought some adorable fabric to make the misses summer jammies. And Etta's birthday crown is under way.

High ho.