I feel like I'm spending a lot of my days just struggling. I get so cranky when the girls won't eat their lunch - all they want is fruit & starch. Then they won't nap. And I have two sleep deprived toddlers careening around the house demanding books read, destroying the living room & dancing on the coffee table. Then I feel guilty because I should be playing with them more, but I'm so freaking tired that I just can't be on all the time. I need breaks and the only time I get to myself is when I ignore them for a few minutes or after Olive's in bed, the dishes are done and the diapers are in the wash. 9pm.

I'm also feeling bad about my body. Before Olive I was a big yoga/gym gal. I walked & cycled everywhere. I exercised regularly to keep my anxiety in check. Now I'm lucky if I get one visit to the gym in a week - I know that it shouldn't matter, that I should love my body for doing all that it does, but I just feel fat, lazy, neglected, anxious. I have no time to feed my brain or body. And I get so caught up in the negative, the critical, the judging, the hopeless that I can't manage to pull my head out of my butt and just embrace how amazing my life truly is.

Right now Etta is practicing her running in the hallway - today is the first day that she's really been running full tilt & her little face is lit up. What an amazing thing, to run!