I just feel like crying today. I am feeling overwhelmed. I got cranky with the girls this morning - I find it really challenging to find a balance these days. I'm taking care of the two babes 3 days a week, picketing 20 hours a week, leaving only 1 day that doesn't involve 2 babies or walking around in the rain with a picket sign on. Olive has a cold (the 2nd this month) & is getting her bottom molars. She wants to nurse all night & my nipples hurt because she has to pop off to breathe, then latch back on & if I try to roll away to sleep she cries. Big D has been sick for 2.5 weeks & he hates his job(s). The house is a pigsty all of the time because it is too small & I can't get anything done when both girls are here because they want/need almost constant attention & watching. Someone is always crying or wanting a book read. I want to play but then I look around at the mess. My kitchen floor is caked with food. The bathroom is filthy. The laundry is half done. We are out of milk & cream. Olive has a yeast diaper rash that I refuse to treat with chemicals. I say 'no' a million times a day (no coming in the bathroom when I'm scrubbing a poopy diaper in the toilet, no tearing the books off of the grown-up bookshelf, no touching the diaper pail). I feel totally disrespected by my employer. I get almost no time to myself. Olive & Etta hardly nap. There are no breaks. And when there are the last thing that I want to do is clean up. I am exhausted. I spend no real time with my husband. I sit on the couch eating chocolate, watching TV & knitting when I get that precious hour or two to myself at the end of the day. I don't know how to make things easier. Should I hire a maid? With what, my strike pay????????? We live in a temporary house. Should we move? Should we mortgage ourselves up to our eyeballs to buy a tiny apartment?
Sigh. And I read other people's blogs & I think, how can their lives be so perfect? How do they do it? Nourish their kids & themselves & their relationships, keep the house clean, make money, be creative, write their blogs?
I am going to yoga tonight. That's what cans of soup are for.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
If it's any consolation at all our house is ridiculously messy. On one hand this is something that could be dealt with, on the other hand I would rather go to the odd film fest movie here and there in between homework assignments and essays.
I can't believe that we're still on strike---I think that it's cast a huge shadow over everything that I/we do. There are things that I would normally just do, but being on strike has made me constantly question all my choices that have anything to do with money.
Hang in there Kristy! You, me, all of us---we're doing our best.
Don't lose heart!! We all have those times, for different reasons maybe, but you're not the only one :) I think you're doing a great job.
And all those perfect peoples' blogs - well, you are probably only reading about their 'outside selves' and not about the stuff that's really going on on their kitchen floors! We've all got stuff, it's just that some are willing to be more truthful about it.
Ditto for Callie's comments!!!
Hey, most of us can't even keep up a blog cuz it's all too much sometimes.
hang in there sister.
Post a Comment