Rebecca

Today Olive and I went to the celebration of my friend Rebecca's life. She died two weeks ago at the age of 38.

Rebecca was awesome - earthy, funny, positive, sassy, spiritual, artistically gifted, and a fabulous mum to boot. She was a true individual in every sense of the word, in a world where people seem to becoming more and more generic by the day. She was strong in herself and her beliefs.

The first time that I ever felt a baby kick was when Rebecca was pregnant with her last son - I remember watching him roil about beneath the surface of her skin, and asking if I could touch her belly. I was shocked by the vivid action of his little body turning and at how serene she looked as he twisted and turned. Throughout her pregnancy I pestered her almost daily with questions about motherhood, babies and birth. I was longing for my own baby, and when my baby finally came, so did news that Rebecca had cancer. I thought that she would live - how could she not? She was so positive, fit, open-minded, mellow, and young.

And what is the message? To embrace this life. To stop when I start to get wrapped up in little problems, in minor complaints, in expectations and grievances. I look at my Olive and I think, I want to give you the gift of a positive family. This is all there is - a family and time together. Life isn't about possessions, it is about experiences and relationships. I've always known this but sometimes I lose myself in the consumer culture, in doubt - especially now that I spend time with other women based on our mutual ability to reproduce more than actual connections.

A woman I admire told me "Kristy, babies are nine months in you, and nine months on you. Trust your gut and build your own village." Part of my village is gone now - but many, many of the women I love and admire are left. It's time to buck up, to reconnect, to revel in babyhood and to cherish our lives.

I will stop listening to others who judge, who don't understand, who believe in different things.

I will trust my instincts.

I will remember.