Avoiding and embracing

This morning's Sounds Like Canada Thursday Think Tank had a discussion about work/life balance, about busyness being an excuse to escape from meaningful interaction with other human beings, and about the rudeness of people using their Blackberry's at a dinner party.

On that note, Olive and I are heading off for two weeks of computer free time with family. I'm hoping that we'll come back well rested, well read (somebody bought somebody the brand new Michael Ondaatje novel!), and ready to start fresh.

Yeehaw.

Rocky Mountain High

I am so excited about our upcoming trip to the rockies. As a child we often made the long, long drive from Calgary to Vernon, from Calgary to Kamloops, or from Calgary to Mable Lake, all along the Trans-Canada through the rockies. I used to sit in the backseat of our old brown truck, gazing out at the mountains for hours, imagining that hobbits and elves lived amongst the sunlit peaks and valleys that it seemed impossible to reach. I made up stories, we played games, fought, and sang along to Kenny Rogers. Yah baby, sweet, sweet Kenny.
Last month the Tapestry did a show on "soul music", music that made your heart and soul thrill or weep or just feel intensely. It made me think of all the music that moves me, and how it changes as my life changes. I also thought of my last trip through the rockies with my mum to go and fetch my niece Kaitlyn in Red Deer. Mum and I were driving down the highway listening to Sarah Harmer's album "You Were Here" and I was so filled with joy, with contentment, surrounded by this overpowering beauty of forests, mountains, water, by intensely sweet music, and sitting by the side of my mum.
I am hoping that Friday will be equally sweet. That Olive will be content and sleepy. And that we can play some fabulous music as the soundtrack to our goreous country going by.

Some music that's stirring my soul:
"One Heart" - Rory McLeod
"Lodestar" - Sarah Harmer
"I Am Aglow" - Sarah Harmer
"Sweet Thing" - Van Morrison
"Private Universe" - Crowded House
"Connected" - Eric Bibb
"Cucurrucucu Paloma" - Caetano Veloso
Anything off of Joni Mitchell's Blue album
"Coo Coo Bird" - The Be Good Tanyas

Status quo

Here's our current status:

Mummy & Daddy have some kind of stomach bug.

Olive may or may not develop roseola towards the end of the week (her buddy Leni is sick with it right now!).

Olive & I are going away for 2 weeks starting at the end of the week.



We are driving 4 hours on Thursday night, then 6.5 on Friday to reach our destination in the rockies.

This trip is supposed to be a relaxing girlie time with Nanny, Auntie Chris & cousin Gloria. Instead it may be a barf & fever festival of sick baby in a car for many, many kilometres. Oh sweet mother of God, please let her be resistant to all of these nasty bugs.

I have to pack everything (giant, huge list of stuff), get a haircut, & go to the library.

I received 7 skeins of hand-dyed cashmere for my next project. It is divine.

I love Michael Ondaatje. His new novel Divisadero is out. His poetry, his novels. He is exquisite. I can't wait to read it.

Oi.

Can you say food poisoning/stomach flu?

Oi.

Getting out of the way

Hilarious? Yes. Offensive to some? Maybe. Olive's future? You betcha.

Trying to get a photo of the monkey's top teeth. Sooooo cute.

The sleeping thing is going one million billion times better than I ever could have hoped for (knocking on the wood). Maybe I will get 5 hours in a row very soon. My sweet babe, she was ready. Now I just have to get over my wee lingering sadness about saying goodbye to cosleeping. Although I've made Doug promise that she can always come and sleep with us if she wants to. But for now she doesn't seem to care at all, and in fact is sleeping much better without mummy's hulking, milk tinged form waking her up all of the time.

So there you go. Life keeps on surprising me.

One life

Mental health is a tough thing. Are people sicker these days than they used to be or is it just that we're more aware?

I think that we're all feeling a bit worse. We're isolated from nature and from each other. And when we try to communicate it's often using technology instead of sitting face to face, where we can read each others bodies as well as hear our words.

I'm miscommunicating with people these days. I'm making people cry. I'm crying a lot. This is a hard time for me. Harder than anything I've ever experienced. And when I have perspective I know that my life is grand, it's beautiful. My healthy, thriving babe, my supportive, kind and infinitely loving husband (not possible? yes, it is). I don't have cancer. My baby isn't dying from a horrific genetic disease (knock, knock, knock on wood). I have two loving parents and a great circle of friends and family. But this sleep thing in conjunction with mental health issues that I have never really dealt with almost has me beat. I am struggling. Not all of the time, but for moments, minutes, hours every day I feel like there is no way out, no way to get better. I know that there is. I know this. But sometimes it is so hard - and this isn't because I'm lazy or ungrateful or weak. I need to get through this getting Olive to sleep better thing, get myself some sleep, and then I need to make a real committment to my mental health. Because I love my husband, and I love my Olive, and I need to really love me so that we can all truly experience, relish, cherish this life together. Because this is all there is. Just this one life.

June Callwood died on Saturday (watch this link - please do). I wish that I had known her. Ah, the wisdom. We can only hope.

What's good

Check out Olive's bonnet! Bonnet's rule!

Other good things today:
- Olive had 2 decent naps
- Doug brought me gifts of Purdy's & vino (ah, he knows me so well)
- Olive got checked up at the doc & something I was worried about is a-okay
- I have time to make us up a batch of our favourite granola from the best cookbook of all time
- I finally rented the electric breastpump from the hospital so that we can have a supply of milk on hand so I can
- Go out tonight for an evening of vino & clothes swapping with my Mother's Unfolding group
- We are doing our research into changing Olive's sleep routine in a gentle, loving way
- My best friend & her sweet daughter are coming home on Monday. Hooray! We miss you Yaun!